How To Do Push-Ups Like A Boss
This is the time of year where I start to train like a real life Olympic Athlete and watch the last few months of eating fade away like my hope cause I’m three gravy puddings deep y’all! Here are a few tips to take your push-upping to the next level (13.7th level [HOT DOG level: skin looks like burned hot dogs]). Get it soldier and do some PUSH-UPS LIKE A BOSS!
-keep body diagonal with feet posted up on a wall. Place crisp bacon on the floor. Slide down wall using butter and eat bacon while sitting. Life is short.
-with two hands on two equal or fairly equal sized rocks with your legs elevated on a bench or similar sized rock. Drop a pile of scorpions underneath you and call Joe Rogan to yell at you and remind you of NBC’s COMEBACK!
-on the backs of two Great Danes because you’re rich.
-on a known crack dealer’s car in the early afternoon.
-on top of a mini van going 2mph through a suburb while you blast Nelly Furtado and regret the entire thing in real-time.
-in a fully zipped sleeping bag.
-at a sleep over on a bunch of stacked chairs because this is SERIOUSLY your last sleep over that doesn’t have JUST ONE cheese pizza. It’s called FOOD ALLERGIES.
-on top of all your pain and people’s misconceived perceptions about you.
-on piles and piles of that trash knows as Archie “comics.” Archie and Veronica. DUMB. But honestly they should stay together because everyone is like hating on them and they need to prove the haters wrong. Am I right?
-inside of a bear that’s headed to the Iowa Caucases. So you can pushup your way out and say, “THAT’S MY STUMP SPEECH.”
-at that job you don’t deserve but totally hate cause they all against me.
-on the two Dells you’re overclocking, while you’re playing Uncharted with your feet cause you’ve been atheletic this whole time.
-on two dolphins in the Sea of Cortez at night.
Good luck. Happy 2.0.1.2. (abbreviation for 2012)!!!
-
k-dub liked this
-
doublethinkdesign liked this
-
chrisriedell posted this
